I-Messages

PASSAGE FOR THE DAY:
Romans 2 (click the link)


KEY VERSES:
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? (Romans 2:1-4, NIV)


REFLECTIONS:
I’ve heard that when you read the word “therefore” in the Bible, you should find out what it’s “there for.” So when Paul, at the beginning of Romans 2, says “You, therefore, have no excuse” I want to know who he’s talking about, just in case it’s me that is being called out! This time he’s referring back to Romans 1 which describes God’s righteous anger against a people who sinned flagrantly and “not only continued to do these very things but also approved of those who practice them” (1:31). I gotta say, with the kinds of things those folks were doing, no wonder God was angry! Romans 1says:

• women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones
• men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another
• God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another

Oh yeah, and they:

• neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him
• exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images
• exchanged the truth about God for a lie
• worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator
• have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity
• are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice
• are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful
• invent ways of doing evil
• disobey their parents (who would do such a thing?)
• have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy

It’s a good thing Paul wrote this “to all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be his holy people” (1:7) and not me because I’d have given those heathens a piece of my mind! 

Of course, I’m joking.

Notice that the Roman believers weren’t being chastised for judging per se, but because they were ignorant of their own guilt of the offending actions and attitudes. When we judge another person, we point to a moral standard outside of ourselves, and that standard applies to everyone, not only the flagrant sinner. Someone with an attitude of moral superiority would say “I’m not like them at all!” but on our more honest days, we would admit that we’ve all been guilty of one or more of the above.

It’s said in many different ways:

• "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:2)
• "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:5)
• When you point a finger at someone else, you have three pointing back at you.
• Practice what you preach.
• "… you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." (James 3:1b)
• "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7)
• "…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

They may have regarded their moralizing as a way to escape God’s anger but Paul robs them of their plans. “All are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:24). God in His kindness allows us to see our own failures: that is the kindness that leads us to repentance… freely, graciously, Jesus offers us the same acceptance and forgiveness that He offers every other idol-chasing, gossiping, self-centered braggart, or whatever your sin du jour might be.


PERSONAL APPLICATION:
Here’s how this works itself out for me: If you’ve spent any time learning about interpersonal communication you’ve heard of “I-messages”; a way of expressing your feelings without placing blame on the listener. The listener isn’t on the defensive because he/she’s not being accused, and both parties can take ownership of the offense as their conscience requires. Using I-messages is a great skill to develop, and God uses similar kinds of I-messages with me. I-rony and I-ntegrity speak my language and are sure to get my attention in situations where I’m tempted to stake my flag on some high ground and look down on those other poor saps. Two examples:

• This summer the kids are home from school and we find ourselves with more drivers than cars. Luckily we have a family member who is currently in the opposite situation so we borrowed a car from her. It’s a beauty, a convertible, one of Greg’s dream cars, and he quickly claimed it as “his car” for the summer. A few days ago Alex, Morgan and I happened to be looking out the living room window when Greg was driving up, top down, music blaring, sunglasses on and Diet Coke in his hand. Just as the words “mid-life crisis” slipped out of my mouth, I looked down and saw the bright colors of the tattoo on my forearm. That’s irony; when I’m caught in my own net and I know it.
• A while back a friend and I were in an awkward spot. She confessed to me that she had been upset that I hadn’t handled a particular situation in the way she thought I should.  So I did the (im-)mature thing and whined and complained to God about it. A lot. At some point in the rather one-sided conversation, God interrupted me and said something like “aren’t you basically upset that she didn’t handle her upset-ness with you the way you thought she should?” Busted! Irony, again, but this time I let it turn to integrity (I hope) because it stopped me from judging as though I had no fault of my own. 

God uses these I-messages to get me to reflect on my own attitudes, desires and motives, call them into question, and ask whether I should allow myself to be moved by them or not. It’s God’s kindness, forbearance, and patience, speaking my language, leading me to repentance.


PRAYER:
God, please let me be the kind of person that heeds your warnings. The last thing I want to do is dart ahead with no regard for what You’re guiding me to do, but I so often do it. May my attitudes, desires and motives be always measuring themselves against You, for You are so kind when they don’t measure up again.


WHO AM I?
I’m Leigh Anne Bland and today, if our itinerary is accurate, I will be visiting the site of The Transfiguration and Caesarea Philippi, home of the “gates of Hades.” Both are described in Mark 9 and Matthew 16 and I have had the privilege of writing about them in previous Companions. Tonight I will spend the night at the Sea of Galilee. And I’ll be missing these little kids.